Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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