If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
