i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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