totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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