This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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