Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
