I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
that may or may not have been my penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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