He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
