i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
