im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
