I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
