people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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