I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
