You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
