Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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