haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
