i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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