The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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