I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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