Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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