The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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