I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
