My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
