I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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