Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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