I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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