I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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