It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
