Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
