Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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