The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
