so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
