Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
