its not stalking. its research.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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