I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
