You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
