pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
