i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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