I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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