I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
