so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im part way to drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
