from now on my penis is your penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
