Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
