I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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