dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
