I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
