clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
