I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
