we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
