Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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